Back when my ex (and his wife) and I didn't get along, it used to be so easy to point to their actions and blame them for being so hurt, upset or angry.

I'd provide all the gory details so my sympathetic listener could see how anyone in their right mind would be equally offended.

But privately, I suspected there was something else at play, in the background.

What might happen if you held the other woman or parent to the same standards you normally apply to yourself — and those you love?

Consider…

Your grudges don’t actually improve the outcome of future problems.

You’re inadvertently “leaking” your resentment onto innocent bystanders.

It’s possible to forgive... and still create healthy boundaries that protect you from future pain and unhappiness.

So there we were, judging the hell out of each other, blowing things out of proportion, taking lots of things personally, making ourselves and everyone else miserable... and the entire time, we’re all still feeling victimized.

Like something was being done TO us!

What might we secretly fear about the other woman?

What power are we attributing to her that we want to take away by diminishing her name?